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Life's a Bitch by Stitch

Me!

One of my favourite poses - note the lead. I'm rarely off it when I'm out (unless it's in a 'beagle proof' fenced field).

Note to other beagles: keep checking the boundary fence - there's usually a small gap somewhere under which you can escape to freedom.

Bit of background on me: Born: April 13th 2019 and went to live in a place called Cheriton on the south east coast with a family that included a teenager (who named me), a toddler (who taught me how to misbehave) and a cat called Lola (who really annoyed me).

Don't I look cute? Can you see what's on the collar? An anti bark device. I managed the destroy that one but I've got a new one now. They save it for when I'm really noisy.

Note to other beagles: barking really winds them up. I now save it for motorbikes and cycles (anything with one eye), tractors and alsations (I've hated them ever since one savaged me - it's dead now but I'm on a mission to scare any big dog that comes into range).


I learnt early on how to get what I wanted. Jumping up, barking and destroying whatever the grown ups had that they wouldn't give me: cushions, socks, scarves, spectacles, gloves, hearing aids (got three of them), books, envelopes, TV remote controls, binoculars, tools (some still hidden).

Note to other beagles: I've heard some beagles can open kitchen cupboards and fridges and get really tasty items that the owners don't want to share with you. I'm keeping that trick in mind ready for when I can work out how to get into the biscuit tin.

When I was six months old I went to live in the country with the toddler's grandparents. I wonder why they sent me there?

Note to other beagles: if you fancy a change of scenery, try destroying something really expensive. It could be disastrous but you never know your luck.




They made me join their club - hence the neckerchief (which didn't last long probably because they didn't win). They also took me long walks - always on a lead - and I started dog training classes! Ha! That didn't last long. I occasionally walk to heel to humour them.

Note to other beagles: misbehave from the outset and you'll probably get banned. The only good thing about the classes were the treats they used to make you do tricks like walking next to your owner. How they expect you to do that when you're on the scent of something else defeats them?



Living in the country with the grandparents coincided with Covid 19. That meant more walks from home as everyone went into lockdown. I took them all over the place during those early sunny months.

I was having a wonderful time but I was always on that damned lead. And they'd discovered that having it over my nose stopped me pulling! I had to break free!

I did it one day in April. Actually, I did it four days in the same week! Bad move! They contacted the Beagle Rehoming Centre to see if they would take me in.

Note to other beagles: if you do escape, do it for a short time and don't go into any field with sheep in. They think you're trying to scare them when, really, you only want to play. It's the rabbits and pheasants you want to scare.

The Beagle Rehoming Centre didn't want me.

They said I wasn't a true beagle - but I am! I'm a lemon beagle! It says so on my passport.



Since then I've been careful not to escape too often (helped by the fact that they spend hundreds of pounds on new fencing, new leads and remembering to attach me to a lead whenever I go in the boot of the car (after I did one spectacular escape when we were on holiday in Pembrokeshire - that really wound them up). They even took me to play with other beagles but I did play hard to get when it was home time (unless it was raining - I don't like rain).

Note to other beagles: make the most of trips in the car but don't make it easy for them to catch you out. Sometimes the trip can be to the vet or, worse still, the kennels. Check whether they're acting suspicious - being extra nice to you. Kennels can be fun but you miss out on those little treats. They don't spoil you in kennels but you do get to play with other dogs.

So life is pretty good two years on with the same owners. They actually think I helped them get through lockdowns despite stealing their food, digging holes in their land, barking and jumping up at their friends, stopping them going out to the theatre etc etc. I've really got them trained. After two years of being taken to kennels when they want to go on holiday, they've now bought a canal barge and I've a spare bed on board.



Note to other beagles: use those tactics that appeal to owners and others - the sad eyes, the cheeky smile and the playfulness but remember that, in this world, you come first. More about my canal adventures to come.






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